Empty Passion

Got my exam and my IUD placed today. It hurt alot, but only for a few seconds. Felt like really bad cramps. But the whole thing was over within like 5 mins, exam, IUD and all. Afterwards I felt a bit light headed, but it passed quickly. Cramps on the way home, so I put on my P.J's and crawled into bed, watched Dinosaurs and fell asleep.

Woke up feeling alot better! Also need the second DVD set of Dinosaurs...lol. Spotting but thats no big deal. This is so much healthier and better for me then hormones every month. I swear to god they were starting to mess with my stystem. I had no sex drive, gained weight, sore breasts, and no energy. I'm hoping these things pass, and leave with the hormones in my system. It takes about three months to be 'cleared' but thats alright. I've been on BC pills since I was 13, so its time to get out!

ANNNND to those who think this is TMI fuck off =D Dont care!

I can't get my mind around this. I can't. I just want to die. It's not true and it can't be true. I can't deal with this I just fucking can't. It isn't true and I need some one to make it not be true

I am supposed to see her tomorrow, just tomorrow. Safely at my mom's ahead of the snow storm, tucked in tonight and I see them tomorrow. Just please? Can I see them tomorrow? I will give both legs, 1 kidney, half my liver and 20 years off my life... 30? 40? Please??? How about I just get to go bak to yesterday and make ONE phone call?

FUCK.
FUCK
There was an accident/ My grandparents were coming down to my mom's we were gojing to see them tomorrow. But this stupid fucking TRAIN. How can it be a fucking train?? My grandparents were coming down and I was going to see them tomorrow... just one fucking day away.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. No/ they got hit by a train and my gramma is dead and I don;t know how my grampa is and my gramma is dead. I never wished I could just close my eyes and makew ir all go awawy so bad. I wish I could just let go ad slip into oblivion.. but I can;t . It hurts so much I want to die.